It’s About Taking One Step Forward

When you’re going through something deeply painful—like divorce or profound personal loss—people often expect you to “bounce back” or put on a brave face. But real resilience? It’s not about bouncing. It’s about putting one foot in front of the other, even when you’re struggling to stand.

Resilience doesn’t mean pretending you’re okay. It doesn’t mean skipping over the grief, loss, or anger. And it certainly doesn’t mean becoming stronger because you went through something hard. The truth is, some experiences knock the wind out of us, and recovery isn’t always linear. That’s okay.

Resilience is about staying mentally strong while you’re in the middle of the storm. It’s having the skills and tools to face what’s hard, even when it’s messy and uncertain. It’s also about allowing yourself to fully enjoy the good moments—without guilt or hesitation—while still holding space for your pain.

In my work with clients navigating divorce and other transitions, I’ve learned this: resilience is a practice. It hinges on internal skills and external support. It’s a pattern you can build on—not a personality trait you’re born with.

Here’s how I help clients build that foundation:

1. Reframe Negative Thoughts

It’s easy to spiral into helplessness when everything feels overwhelming. Those thoughts—“I’ll never be okay,” “Everything is ruined”—can quickly pull you down.

Try this instead:

➡️ “This is hard, and I can figure it out.”

Reframing doesn’t mean sugarcoating reality. It means asking:

• What part of this is within my control?

• What can I learn from this?

• Is there an opportunity hidden in this setback?

Some challenges can’t be fixed. But you can shift how you view and experience them.

2. Set Micro Goals

Big goals feel impossible when you’re emotionally exhausted. But setting small, achievable goals can help you gain momentum and clarity.

Sometimes the micro goal is as simple as:

• Making one phone call.

• Researching an option.

• Drinking water and taking a walk.

Each small step reminds you: I’m capable.

The progress principle tells us that forward motion—no matter how small—builds confidence, helps break inertia, and shifts our focus from the problem to the solution.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

When life gets hard, most of us go straight into self-blame:

“I should’ve seen this coming.”

“I messed everything up.”

But here’s a truth I return to often: you cannot hate yourself into healing.

Flip the script. Talk to yourself like you would a close friend.

Instead of: “I shouldn’t have married him.”

Try: “I shouldn’t have married him, and I’m doing the best I can right now.”

Using “and” instead of “but” is a powerful way to validate your experience without negating your effort.

Self-compassion isn’t weakness—it’s a resilience skill. It reduces stress, combats burnout, and gives you the emotional bandwidth to keep going.

Build a Toolkit That Supports You

Resilience isn’t something you need to do alone. It’s strengthened through tools, habits, and support—both internal and external:

✅ Coping with uncomfortable feelings

✅ Leaning on a trusted friend or divorce coach

✅ Repeating a grounding mantra

✅ Creating a structure that works for your life

You don’t have to do everything at once. You just have to take one step.

If you’re going through a major life change like divorce and want support building emotional strength, clarity, and forward momentum—I’m here to help.

You’re not broken. You’re rebuilding. And every small step counts.